Death Takes A Holiday
by Teneshi
Summary: Rated R for homosexual references, comments and blatant insanity.
1. Chapters 1 and 2

Disclaimer:   
I don't own Castlevania:SotN. I don't own Christopher Lowell, the Backstreet Boys (thankfully) or any other frightening comment in here. Please don't send hate mail. This started out as a joke and became a challenge that I couldn't completely twist their world and make it make some semblance of sense. Please review. All my own work er insanity here. This is also being posted to try and keep people at bay for the next couple chapters of the D story. Unfortunately E hasn't been available lately so... it might be a week or so til the next D chapter.  
Without furthur ado...  
  
Death Takes A Holiday  
  
  
Death floated around the room for the 6938th time.   
  
"Damn,"he muttered glancing at an imaginary watch on his bony arm,"Alucard's  
taking his sweet time getting here." He floated over to the door where Alucard would  
enter.   
  
He peered out and shouted,"HELLO!!! GET IN HERE ALUCARD!!!" He  
whined as he pulled his head in after no response,"I'm bored..." He floated around for a  
few more minutes then pulled a suitcase out of thin air.   
  
"Screw this,"he said determinedly,"I'm taking my vacation now no matter what  
Dracy-poo says. After all, he promised me vacation time for how many years."   
  
Death snapped his bony fingers and the suitcase was packed and he was wearing a  
tacky Hawaiian shirt. After leaving a short note explaining he was going on vacation and  
Dracy-poo could kiss his ass he picked up his scythe and the suitcase and floated out of  
the castle and to the airport. He entered and walked up to the desk where the girl just  
gave him a frightened look. He smiled widely and looked at some posters behind her for  
trips to the Bahamas, New York, Paris, and Outer Mongolia. He thought about it for a  
second then asked her politely,"Might I purchase a one way ticket to the Bahamas?"   
  
Her hand shaking she handed him a ticket and stuttered,"That'll..that'll be.. 100  
dollars.... please." Death reached into his pocket and pulled out 100 dollars and handed it  
to her with a smile.   
  
He then said,"First vacation I've ever had in oh say....a few millennia." He smiled  
again and she fainted dead away. He shrugged and walked towards the airport waiting  
room to wait for his flight. As he sat he noticed a few magazines with hideous flesh  
covered women on their covers.   
  
"How can hideous women like that make the front of magazine covers,"he  
muttered to himself and pulled out a copy of PlayBone. He looked at the skeleton on the  
cover and whistled quietly. "Now that's a good magazine cover,"he said as he settled in to  
read till his flight.  
  
**************************MEANWHILE*********************************  
Alucard fought his way through the castle, which happened to spring up in  
McKeesport at the Echostar building, and finally stumbled upon Death's room. Death's  
room had originally been the training center and all around it's outside lurked zombie  
CSR's. He looked around, confused.   
  
"HELLO!" he shouted,"I KNOW YOU'RE HERE YOU DARK FIEND!"   
  
"Come fight me," he finished. He walked over to the other side of the room and  
found the note and went to go talk to his father, Dracy-poo. Alucard turned into mist  
form and seeped through cracks in the castle walls till he reached his father's room and  
reformed into his normal form.   
  
"Father!" he shouted at Dracy-poo,"What is the meaning of this? Your good  
friend Death has gone on.. on..... VACATION!" Dracy-poo was sitting with his left side  
to Alucard while he intently watched The Backstreet Boys video for the thousandth time.   
  
"Shut up,"Dracy-poo said in an agitated tone,"Howie's talking and he's got a sexy  
voice..."(this does not reflect the author's feelings, I hate the backstreet boys.)   
  
Alucard rolled his eyes and muttered,"Geeze, Now I see why any Belmont, even a  
chick, could defeat you." Dracy-poo looked at him with a hurt expression.   
  
"They just got lucky. Besides, This VCR thing is pretty cool, and it works with  
the video camera I got from Granfalloon's last visit to the electronics store." He looked so  
pathetic when he tried to do puppy eyes and Alucard sighed.   
  
"Here,"Alucard said handing the letter to Dracy-poo,"Death left this in his room."   
Dracy-poo stood up from his indian squat position on the floor as he read it.   
  
He clenched it tightly in his fist and shouted,"To the airport. We're going to go get  
bony buns."   
  
Alucard looked at Dracy-poo in shock and stated firmly,"I don't want to know."   



	2. Chapters 3, 4, and 5

*****************************MEANWHILE***************************  
Death was halfway through the PlayBone special article on the porn star Traci  
Bones when his flight was called. He packed the magazine in his shirt pocket and headed  
towards the loading ramp. As he handed the ticket to the girl collecting them he smiled  
and she fainted dead away also. He shrugged and dropped the ticket on her as he floated  
past and onto the plane. He settled in his seat and relaxed, taking in his surroundings.   
  
Comfy, he thought, better than the chair's in Dracy-poo's Rec Room. They're all  
worn out from him using them to watch videos. A plant woulda been nice, maybe even a  
rat, Death thought, but no... he's gotta get a vcr, tv, and furniture. And those damned  
videos too. They're even too much to curse an enemy to watch. Death shuddered thinking  
about the videos. The list included: Teletubbies, Hanson Live, Backstreet boys, Barney,  
and the Amazing Bible Series. He shuddered again when he thought of the last trip out  
for clothes. Hanson shirts, baby-tee's and a blue sparkly speedo.   
  
As he scrunched down into the seat, enjoying it's 'newness' he watched the safety  
video.   
  
"In the event of a water landing..."the video droned on.   
  
"Basically you crash into the water and make me do more work..."Death mumbled  
to himself earning strange looks from the surrounding passengers. He just grin/leered  
back at them and they turned away quickly. The parents mumbling things to their children  
about 'strange diseases' 'leprosy' and 'that's what happens if you don't eat your  
vegetables.' He turned back to the small video screen and turned it off with a grunt.   
Death smiled to himself and then removed a pair of Raybone sunglasses and put them on  
and lay back in the seat to sleep. He wanted to be well rested for his upcoming activies,  
getting a tan, chasing girls, relaxing, chasing girls, spending some 'me time', chasing girls,   
and other...um... slightly unmentionable activities. Did I mention chasing down the girls?  
  
*******************************MEANWHILE****************************  
  
Alucard and Dracy-poo walked into the airport, Dracy-poo ordering around the  
zombies carrying his matched set of floral print luggage that was loaded down with  
speedos, sunblock, and other unmentionables. (^_^) (Even I don't want to know what's  
in that luggage....::shudders::)   
  
They walked up to the counter and Dracy-poo asked,"Did a large, bony, man, er,  
skeleton float in here mumbling about a vacation?"   
  
The girl answered politely. "Yes. He bought a ticket to the Bahamas."   
  
Dracy-poo grinned at her and then said,"I'd like 2 tickets there also.. My.. that's a  
lovely vest you've got on. It soo matches my pretty luggage." He grinned again and with  
a scared look in her eye the girl handed him the 2 tickets, accepted the money, and then  
removed her vest and handed it to him.   
  
"Here.. Just take it. I don't want to know.." She mumbled as she watched him  
smile gleefully as he accepted the 'pretty vest.' Alucard just hung his head and tried hard  
not to run in fear, shame, and embarassment.   
  
He grabbed Dracy-poo's arm and drug him along saying,"Come on..."   
  
The next thing the startled salesgirl knew, her vest flew through the air and landed  
on her head.   
  
"The colors don't exactly match the luggage,"Dracy-poo shouted with a grin as he  
boarded the plane. Again, Alucard just sighed and shook his head.   
  
"Sometimes I wish he was the bloodthirsty tyrant he used to be,"Alucard thought  
as he seated himself in the first class part of the plane,"At least I could deal with that."   
  
As Dracy-poo watched the same safety video Death had seen he giggled and his  
eyes lit up like that of a rabid school girl meeting one of those 'boy bands.'(::shudders::)   
Alucard on the other hand watched in interest and then in horror as the plane on the video  
seemed to convulse, spin, and then plunge into the water, exploding on contact. He  
smirked as he thought,"Well.. That's one way to get your passengers to trust you..  
really..."  
  
As the plane was preparing for take off Dracy-poo was oogling some of the  
different candies that were available for the inflight meal.   
  
"Ooooh I just can't decide what to have..." he squealed with the delight and  
enthusiasm of a three year old on a sugar high. At this point Alucard made a strangled cry  
and lept from his seat as the stewardess was closing the door.  
  
"NOOOO Let me off this plane. I'm sick of him and his insanity...." He lept at the  
door, pushing at it as the stewardess gave him a strange look and made a motion for two  
of the other stewardess's to grab him. Dragging him back to his seat as he, while still  
acting somewhat elegantly, kicked and screamed to get away from Dracy-poo and his...  
umm... er.... lifestyle.  
  
"NOOOO,"he howled,"I just want to be free!"  
  
Dracy-poo was giggling as he watched Alucard's futile attempts at escape. Once  
they had strapped him in his chair though they took off so there was no escape. The last  
things that could be heard were Alucard's frustrated attempts to at least sit far away from  
the one being he feared anymore. He didn't fear him in the sense of power and the like no,  
he feared what happened when he got excited. When the gleam of a school girl meeting a  
boy band entered his eyes and he began on his long tirade of outfits, makeup, and oh dear  
sweet howie's voice. It was frightening, quite frightening especially the days when he  
insisted it was, 'that time of the month.' Alucard never did quite understand how that  
came about. Dracy-poo knew he was male, at least by appearance physically, so how  
could he have a 'that time of the month' time? However he did it, he found a way which  
just frightened Alucard all the more.  
  
As the plane was on it's way to the Bahamas, following about 3 hours after Death  
had left, it ran into some turbulence which made Dracy-poo cling to Alucard's head  
tightly. His hands were clamped over Alucard's eyes and he was sobbing and screaming  
bloody murder.   
  
"OIIIII I don't wanna dieeee wahhhhhh,"Dracy-poo wailed,"I've only been an  
undead vampire lord for a few centuries! WAHHHHH!"   
  
He let out an ear piercing wail just then as the plane righted itself and as everyone  
else looked on at him as he still screamed on and on even though the turbulence was over.   
  
"Acck,"Alucard tried to mumble but the arm wrapped around his throat wasn't  
allowing any leeway to talk.  
  
"Le..t... go...." he managed to utter and somehow over his screaming fit  
Dracy-poo heard him.  
  
"Oh...oops. Heh heh.."he started as he gave a sheepish grin,"Sorry, my bad."   
  
With that he climbed back into his seat by the window and began casually looking  
out it, ignoring Alucard's efforts to breathe a bit easier again.   
  
"Watch the death grip next time,"Alucard muttered as he rubbed his hands around  
his throat making sure his windpipe was intact.   
  
"Jeeze,"he muttered again, still checking to make sure he'd survived his father's  
latest attack.  



	3. Chapters 6 and 7

*****************************MEANWHILE******************************  
  
As Death reclined in the first class seat he just kept thanking all the lost souls in  
tartarus for a chance to sit in a chair that wasn't worn out.   
  
"Ahh," he made a quick sigh, his eyes closing.  
  
"Care for a martini... uh.. sir,"the stewardess who had come up beside his chair  
asked. Infront of her was a small cart with various beverages.  
  
Death opened his eyes and said simply,"Actually I'd prefer a Bloody Mary." He  
gave a wide, very toothy grin and made the girl almost pass out. As it was she had to take  
her 15 minute break early due to unnatural gray hairs poking out. Or should we say white  
hairs...  
  
The flight droned on for hours upon hours for Death, reading his magazines and  
sipping his Bloody Mary, which wasn't exactly how he liked it normally, he was having a  
blast on his first vacation ever. He usually liked a Bloody Mary with real blood from girls  
named Mary. Afterall, he was Death, the great reaper of souls. He could afford to drink a  
little here and there. I mean it's not like his boss would find out, he was his own boss,  
even though he did have a schedule to keep, somewhat.  
  
As the plane landed at the airport in the Bahamas Death looked out surveying the  
area around. Girls in bikinis, girls in one piece suits, girls in short shorts. Death grinned  
and rubbed his palms, er...hands... er bones together as one thought popped into his  
head,"Ahhhh Unlife is good."  
  
With that he gathered his luggage and got off the plane, making a beeline for a  
hotel to drop his stuff off of so he could get down to his first priority.... Girl chasing.  
  
  
  
Hitting the beach with nothing but a pair of sunglasses, his swim trunks on and the  
same tacky hawaiian shirt on his back, Death started looking around for his first gal pal.   
Spotting a young girl sunbathing on a fluroescent pink towel he began to strut over there  
with an arrogant air. Plopping his towel down besides hers he tried to think of his best  
pick up line. Rubbing his bony palms.. er... well bones, together he pushed the sunglasses  
back up on his forehead, taking in the girl laying beside him. She had on a navy blue  
trimmed in white string bikini that was very skimpy. She was practically begging for a guy  
to try and hit on her Death thought to himself as he cleared his throat.  
  
"So.... come here often,"he asked trying to make his voice sound deeper and more  
buff than the mere skeleton with eyes that he was. Well he was a little more than just a  
skeleton, he did have some flesh left but it was stretched tightly over his bones and was  
slightly... discolored.  
  
The girl looked up at him, removing her own sunglasses and pushing a strand of  
her black hair behind her ear.   
  
"Oh... eww.. you are like so totally gross, oh ick ick ick,"she said with the tone of  
a valley girl as she pulled away and hastilly packed her things up and almost flew from the  
beach.  
  
Sitting dejectedly Death snapped his finger bones and muttered,"I hope they have a  
good plastic surgeon down here...."  
  
Sighing he stood up, gathered his towel and trudged off to his hotel room to make  
a few phone calls. 


	4. Chapters 8 and 9

********************************Meanwhile*******************************  
  
As Alucard and Dracy-poo exited the plane after it had landed they went to the  
customer service desk and inquired about the best hotel in walking distance of the beach.   
Finding it amusing that the hotel was called the Rising Sun, Dracy-poo giggled to himself  
the whole way there. Upon getting a room and entering it Dracy-poo launched himself at  
the bed he claimed for his own.   
  
"OOOH it's so soft and cushy,"he said, breathing a deep dreamy sigh,"I want a  
bed like this for home!"  
  
Alucard dropped the luggage he had been forced to carry and made a beeline for  
the bathroom which he hoped had a lock on it. Finding that it did he locked himself inside  
to grant himself a reprieve from the insanity that was his father. Curling up against the  
door he looked around the room and saw to his horror there was no window to climb out  
of to safety.  
  
"Oh sweet gods above no..."he moaned as he sank even furthur down on to the  
cold linoleum floor,"When will the hurting stop."  
  
"I guess I'll have to just leave here and go out past him, on my own,"he said  
standing and sighing, brushing a bit of dust from his impeccable gentleman's attire. Even  
though the clothing was ages old and styled in the 18th century style he still preferred  
those over the modern day clothes. Although jeans and the like did have comfort that his  
elegant formal wear did not have in the current hot surroundings.  
  
Trying to unlock the door as quietly as possible he opened it and peered his head  
out to see if the coast was clear. Directly infront of the bathroom door was clear and  
that's all he could really see so he risked going out, leaving his safehouse door open  
behind him in case he needed to retreat. Going out and around the corner a piece of  
clothing was immediately tossed over his face and as he sputtered a curse and a cry of  
surprise mixed into one he pulled it off quickly. Looking around as he dropped the  
offending cloth he saw Dracy-poo sitting on the bed rummaging through a suitcase  
throwing his clothing all over in search of something. Alucard's own luggage had been  
left alone and that was a small relief when he saw what his father was wearing. A large  
purple spotted innertube with a wolf's head protruding from the center front of it was  
around his waist and on beneath that was the blue sparkly speedo. His hair was up in two  
braids one on each side and he had flowered sandels on his feet. Shuddering and cringing  
away Alucard quietly tried to sneak to the door as Dracy-poo occupied his time by rooting  
through the suitcase.   
  
"I CAN'T FIND MY PURPLE SUNBLOCK!!!,"he shrilly cried out throwing his  
hands down at his sides and scaring poor Alucard senseless. His body freezing Alucard  
slowly turned his head to look at Dracy-poo, his eyes wide and a shocked look on his face.  
  
"I bet you were jealous of me having such nice purple sunblock and took  
it,"Dracy-poo accused Alucard, his eyes watering for a moment and then he let out with it.  
  
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, *sob* YOU TOOK MY PWETTY *sob*  
PURPLE SUNBLOCK!"  
  
As he cried onward he made a clicking sound with his mouth and his eyes shot  
open, the wail dying away instantly as his head tilted violently to the side. His eyes  
glowed an unearthly red and he dove at Alucard trying to scratch his eyes out.  
  
"YOU TOOK MY SUNBLOCK, RETURN IT NOW WEAK PATHETIC FOOL  
AND I SHALL SPARE YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE!"   
  
Dracy-poo's voice was that of a deep, bass, more like a demon than anything else.  
  
"YOU WILL DO AS I SAY FOR I AM ZOOL,"he continued as he held Alucard  
to the floor.  
  
"Father, Dracy-poo,"Alucard started only to be interupted by his father's new  
booming bass voice.  
  
"THERE IS NO DRACY-POO, ONLY ZOOL!"  
  
He didn't make it a question, merely a commanding statement. As Alucard  
wrestled his father he saw to the left of him, on the nightstand, the cause of his problems.   
Struggling to keep his eyes and reach to get the sunblock he inched his hand closer and  
closer still. Finally, grasping the bottle firmly in hand as Dracy-poo.. now known as Zool  
mind you, went in for the kill.   
  
"HERE! HERE'S THE SUNBLOCK!!!" Alucard shouted as he shoved it  
between his father and himself, hoping it was enough to keep the beast at bay.  
  
Pausing mid strike Dracy-poo grabbed the bottle and his eyes stopped glowing.   
He began caressing the bottle and talking to it using baby talk.  
  
"It's allright now shnookie ookums... Daddy's found you again so it's awwright..."  
  
As Dracy-poo cuddled the sunblock Alucard pushed him off of him, grabbed his  
wallet from his luggage, his room key and took off for parts unknown the whole while  
muttering about insane asylums and how tyranical fathers were what was best for some  
people.  
  
  
Heading down to the local mall, earning quite a few odd stares on the way and one  
girl screaming,"Hot damn, a chippendales!", Alucard went insearch of getting some more  
acceptable clothing for the climate. Entering the air conditioned shopping complex we all  
know as the mall, Alucard made his way around, looking at different stores. Finally  
settling on some place called Taboo Niftu Spiftu Wear which was Bahamanese for Men's  
Clothing Store he went to look at the jeans and shirts. Picking out a couple pairs of  
straight, semi tight fitting light blue jeans and a couple t shirts, both black he went to the  
counter and paid. Looking at his customer's clothing as he rang the order up and  
accepted the money, the cashier inwardly sighed but outwardly didn't offend Alucard.   
After his stop there, bag in hand, Alucard stopped by a shoe store and picked up a pair of  
boots that were lower than the knee high boots he wore now. Going to the bathroom to  
change into his purchases and putting his old clothes in the bags as well as his other couple  
outfits, he left and headed back for the hotel, hoping that Dracy-poo, if he was there at all,  
was a bit more relaxed.  
  
Reaching the hotel room he saw Dracy-poo not there but a note on his bed written  
in bright purple crayon, a few crayons still laying on the bed next to it.  
  
Went to the beach.  
Be back later.  
Bye bye for now.  
Dracy-poo  
  
With a sigh Alucard put his bags down on his own bed and grabbed a small hair tie  
and pulled his long hair back into a pony tail, taking a quick glance into the mirror he  
noted that he really did look rather nice in these clothes even if they were odd feeling  
considering what he was used to.  
  
Exiting the room he closed and locked the door, slipping the room key into his  
pocket as he headed for the beach. As he got there he saw Dracy-poo lounging in a  
provocative position on his beach towel, rubber wolfey innertube still around his waist and  
his nose glooped up with purple sunblock as was his chest, arms, legs, body, etc. To the  
calm passerby he looked like a large overgrown child crossed with a eggplant.   
  
As Alucard walked there slowly, so slowly he seemed to be creeping along, he  
noted that the other beach goers were giving his father very odd stares for which he didn't  
blame them. They also seemed to have completely vacated the area he was in well, all but  
one person who was wearing a pink sparkly speedo. The man bore a striking resemblance  
to Christopher Lowell even down to the bald spot and the beady little eyes. Giving a small  
shiver thinking of what this could mean and quite possibly lead to Alucard questioned why  
he was even going over near his father. It was too late though as Dracy-poo looked up  
and spotted him, neither one of them noticing the man in pink inching closer and closer  
still.  
  
"Wow... You look really go-" Dracy-poo started before Alucard quickly  
interjected.  
  
"Don't even say it!"  
  
With a frown Dracy-poo shut his mouth, never completing his compliment to his  
son.  
  
"Well you're a cranky one,"Dracy-poo said as he stuck his tongue out at Alucard,  
then noticing that the man in pink was almost right beside him.  
  
Alucard looked up and noticed this also as the man spoke up in a feminine  
flamingly gay voice.  
  
"Hey there handsome,"he said with a sweet as candy smile,"Come here often."  
  
To which Dracy-poo replied with a typical line,"With you here I'll make it a  
regular visiting spot."   
  
Both giggled and Alucard took a few steps backward, worrying as to where this  
might lead very quickly which proved to be true as the two started cuddling and talking  
about fashion, hair, accesories and purple sunblock. As he took another step backwards  
he heard the scariest question of all asked and a very very distrubing mental image took  
shape in his mind.  
  
"Say, you want to come back to my room handsome?" The man in pink asked and  
Dracy-poo blushed for a second then nodded quickly and energeticly as they began  
packing their things up and headed off together, arm in arm.  
  
Meanwhile, Alucard was left standing there, a semi frightened look crossing his  
face as he realized what had just transpired. Giving a small shudder he looked off to  
where Dracy-poo and his new 'lover' were heading off.   
  
"Now there's something you don't see everyday,"a voice to Alucard's left said  
quietly and he turned to face the person.  
  
Standing there in a pair of short black shorts and a black bikini top with a sheer  
puffy top over top hanging open was a young woman. She looked about 19 or 20 with  
dark red hair, brown eyes and she was about 5'7". Her skin was extremely pale despite  
the tropical surroundings and he could sense the difference between her and just a normal  
human.  
  
"How do you mean?" He asked her, continuing to study her face as she turned to  
look up at him.  
  
"Well the Prince of Darkness Dracula going off with some guy in a pink speedo to  
do who knows what,"she explained a slight smile touching her lips,"I'd say that's not a  
normal everyday occurance."  
  
"You know who he is?"Alucard asked, semi surprised though he'd suspected she  
was at least dhampire like him.  
  
"Of course,"she stated,"My father's only been telling me the story of how he met  
Dracula and got embraced for at least 300 years now. It's his favorite story for when we  
get together on holidays."  
  
"You're dhampire then?" He asked.  
  
"Just like you,"she said,"My lord."  
  
At that she gave him a little grin and curtsied slightly to show her respect for him  
but also to make it seem as if she was teasing slightly. Alucard didn't know how to react  
to this though he grinned slightly at the curtsey. 


End file.
